OASIS

I’m at my son’s football game late last week.  It’s the 4th quarter and dusk, looks like we’re going to win.  Suddenly a large (3 or maybe 4″ long) flying something lands on my left forearm.  The mom friends either side of me freeze and/or squeal and want it to go away, but being the lover of creatures big and small that I am, I know a little about critters and I say wait, it’s fine, this gentle giant is a moth, it doesn’t even have a mouth to bite me with.

We sit for several moments, someone takes a picture, and then I encourage the moth to climb up on my right forefinger and I raise it up.  Its wings go to the upright position, and as it gathers momentum I can see the yellow spots on its abdomen.  Then it takes off, leaving a trail of frightened shrieks and squeals as it swoops low over the bleachers.

Here’s the picture that was taken – it’s blurry so you can’t see the detail, but you can see the size.  Yikes, right!?

I’m pretty sure it was a Five-spotted Hawk Moth – so I’ve added a picture of one of those in its full glory, courtesy of Wikipedia.

Driving happily home from the game I thought, hmmm, I feel a little life metaphor coming on: just how fear of the unknown can block so much enjoyment and appreciation of the truth.

Be brave on your journeys, my friends, things are so often not what we think they are.

The previous post reminded me of something important and I wanted to share it with you.  It’s all to do with raising boys and using practical diversion as an enabler for communication about something emotional.

In the late 1990’s I became a single mother.  My son was 3 and a half. I felt I could cope pretty well with raising my son on my own but when I tried to do the things dads do so naturally – things like rough-housing and the way guys set different exploration standards (no, no, you can’t let him do that it’s too dangerous, or he’s too young, or he’s not big enough, cry the Moms), I knew I was going to fall short. I tried, but I’m a woman not a man.  I let that part go but it made me really think about what was going to be important for our relationship thru the years ahead.  What we were going to need was to be able to communicate really well with each other and I realized I didn’t exactly know how to do this.  I am one of three girls, raised by Mum who was an only child.  I’m talking all girls, all the time.  My father had left us early on and was non-communicative.  So what I’m saying here is I had no experience with boys in a direct family context.

I did my research and came upon this book.

The element that I was reminded of today being:  if you need to talk to your young sons about something on a more emotional level, start working on a practical project together and then bring the subject you need to discuss into the conversation.  Keeping some focus on the project seems to reduce or take the stressors out of talking about a more emotional or anxiety-ridden subject (i.e., is something bothering you, or I heard something happened at school today let’s talk about it, etc.).  Women know talking about stuff is important, this is a mechanism to make it happen with your sons that works.

So any mothers of boys out there, particularly if you’re on the single parent path like I was, please read this book.  It’s important.  More so today than ever before I think.

The arrival of September begins a period of intense enjoyment for me.  Mostly related to my son’s participation in high school football.  I note in myself several layers, all shifting and adjusting during this period.  Having football first in line in my focus, means other priorities shuffle back a step.  What I’ve realized this does not do is lessen their importance, instead it lessens the pressure, anxiety, stress, I feel about them.  That’s a really good thing and something I’d like to maintain all year if I could, and I’ll be working on it.  However, for now I stand up and say, Hi, my name is Gillian and I’m an adrenaline junkie.  And oh boy, that rush I feel watching from the high school bleachers!

‘[Wikipedia] “Adrenaline junkie” is a term used to describe somebody who appears to be addicted to epinephrine (endogenous) and are sometimes described as getting “high” off of life. The term adrenaline junkie was popularly used in the 1991 movie Point Break for people who enjoy dangerous activities (such as extreme sports) for the adrenaline rush. Adrenaline junkies appear to favor stressful activities for the release of epinephrine as a stress response. Whether or not the positive response is caused specifically by epinephrine is difficult to determine, as endorphins are also released during the fight-or-flight response.’ Whether it’s the epinephrine or the endorphins that do it for me, I really don’t know.  I just know I definitely get high on life whatever I’m doing.

My daredevil days are long-gone (I’m a little too responsible and a lot too old now), but I still push myself, test my limitations, rise to challenges.  That must be part of my warrior DNA.  And speaking of warriors: Go West High Warriors!

Anyway, September of course heralds the Fall – Autumn, as I knew it back home in England. Having lived in California for almost 30 years, I’m used to the fact that the Fall isn’t really much to speak of in foliage terms.  Yet there are trees that turn and leaves that drop, rustling onto the sidewalks, and the neighborhood hues change.  The morning mist begins to smell different.  It makes me think of my home, my family all there, and I draw comfort from that reminiscence.  I may be far away, but I never forget.

Happy Birthday Clare, I love you… and Go West High Warriors! (I know, I said that already).

As I currently maintain one foot in the corporate world, from time to time I come across magazines and other periodicals aimed exactly there and often find great thought-provoking articles, hidden treasures if you will.  Here are some snippets from an article in the August 2009 issue of Chief Executive, written by Soumitra Dutta, Roland Berger Chaired Professor of Business and Technology, and Matthew Fraser, senior research fellow at the INSEAD business school in France, coauthors of “Throwing Sheep in the Boardroom: How Online Social Networking Will Change Your Life, Work and World”.

“CEOs are becoming aware that the Web 2.0 explosion is not just a technical phenomenon, but represents a fundamental shift in values and perception that can enhance value.”

“CEOs have long functioned in closed, bunkered environments, operating according to an “I know best” ethos…  The Web 2.0 model assumes that the CEO does not know it all…  This requires a great deal of openness and humility – both core values to the Web 2.0 leadership.”

“Most companies regard communications as a “push” function… This form of communicating rarely provides a conduit for immediate two-way feedback…  The Web 2.0 model, by contrast, encourages proactive use of platforms like blogs and Twitter to have authentic conversations with key stakeholders both inside and outside the company…. Communicating is not a “push” function; it’s a conversation based on a two-way dialogue.  Sometimes it’s even a networked discussion.”

“Many CEOs, in a word, are structurally prevented from learning…it is easy to see how a traditional leadership role can produce nonoptimal results, if not serious dysfunctions.  The Web 2.0 model, by contrast, affirms that anybody can be a source of knowledge.”

Here’s the full article:  Why – and how – so many CEOs are suddenly embracing Web 2.0

And so can you see how this caught my attention?

I am frequently struck by the yawning gap that exists between the two working worlds I operate in, and acknowledge the leap that so many people have yet to make. I found this article very encouraging and hope I can provide similar encouragement to clients and friends who continue to struggle with the change in mindset needed to embrace Web 2.0 in their business structure.  That article, particularly being published where it was published, suggests to me that the corporate tide is turning finally.

Pretty darn exciting don’t you think?

Today I felt something almost tangible inside about networking.  I’ve believed in the principle and have practiced it slowly and in my own small way over time, but basically until very recently I’ve pretty much felt I was alone in this thing called making my future.

And hey, please don’t feel bad for me for one second, I’m totally cool with hanging out with myself.  But today I felt stronger because of my network, my growing virtual network.  I felt connected and supported and I felt stronger.  Thank you.

You who have been doing it a while will say, aah yes and nod wisely. I salute you.  And to those just crossing the threshhold, I say take heart.  Reach out, one feeler at a time. We are here and you are not alone.

Boy, sometimes it’s like the main shipping channel out there.  Lots and lots of information and so easy to get caught in the current.   And that current will take you far and deep and can pull your day under before you know it. I have (for the most part) learned that lesson.  Now when I get in the current, I face forward, keep my head up and stay alert (focused).  As soon as I start to feel I’m drowning or about to be caught in a strong undertow of things I really don’t need to know right this second, I scoot on over to the side and catch my breath in the swirl of an eddy…  Sometimes I get back in, but mostly I head for dry land and get on with my day.

Let me know if I can help you with a life raft ever.

In the meantime, swim well.

The word luck has come to my mind a few times recently, either being spoken by someone else or through experiencing it personally.

Anne McKevitt, a hugely successful entrepreneur and coach, was who I heard saying she doesn’t believe in luck.  In that  particular context she was talking about making things happen, taking action, etc., and I certainly agree that luck isn’t something you’re likely to get much of sitting around on the front porch thinking about what you coulda woulda shoulda.

But I definitely think of myself as a fortunate person, self-made or otherwise.  I don’t allow myself to be stopped by too many what-if obstacles and that keeps my path pretty clear for action.  Actions result in consequences, some planned, some not.  I guess you could call those unplanned consequences good luck or bad, depending on what they are.

My latest good fortune has been as small as coffee leaking (a lot) out of my travel cup all over my clothes on the drive in on Monday, a day when I had to wrangle a board meeting – the good luck being the top I was wearing was the one thing I own of a color which apparently completely blends with coffee, so the (multitude of) stains didn’t show!  And in the past, as huge as coming out of a nasty roll-over car accident basically in one piece (you never realize how lucky til you survive one and then all you hear about on the news are these awful deaths from car roll-overs!!).

For sure people’s paths are sometimes literally on a collision course with other people and things. But don’t discount the beneficence of life because you’re afraid of what might be around the next corner.  Move forward openly and just be as ready as you can for what’s next because, to quote Seneca the Roman: luck is what happens when preparation meets opportunity.

P.S. Hope you don’t mind, but I called this post The Luck Dragon because “The Never-Ending Story” is one of my favorite movies and so of course Falcor the Luck Dragon came to mind along with the rest of the luck items.

P.P.S.  Turns out, Falcor has his own Facebook fan page!

Funny how we (think we) need validation from others.  I find it most excruciating waiting for feedback from my peers, yet pay more attention to those closest to me probably because, besides the high value I place on their opinions, I believe they have no motive other than they care.

The reality may be that those closest have more motive to cushion their commentary, but that motive would likely be about making me feel good. Hence my close attention…  🙂

My two dogs are sisters.  Two of four pups abandoned at birth. We got ’em at 10 weeks and they’re now 4 years old.  With the exception of three occasions that I can recall, they have spent all day every day together.  Their interaction is a constant source of fascination, amusement and wonder for me.  This past Sunday afternoon our little skinny scared one Bluebell hurt her knee and we had to confine her to make her rest.  She has food and water and gets let out for potty breaks, but her anxiety level is fairly high even on her good days, so I know she’s pretty stressed.  Her potty breaks aren’t producing much. She’s not pooping because she’s not eating.  Less poop is great says I, not eating for much more than a day and a half is not.  And my own anxiety, no matter how much I try, just compounds it all. Interestingly, Blue’s sister – our big girl Daisy – has also not eaten (one who usually eats her bowl and half of her sister’s).  It struck me how completely in tune with each other’s senses they are.  There are no such things as why and wherefore with them, it just is.  Legs will get better, barriers will be removed, food eaten and poops pooped.  Normal life will return. But they don’t even think about that.  They are solely in the now.

But what of us and our complicated lives?

I’m the middle sister of three.  We are very close and even though I’m an ocean and a continent away, most of the time it doesn’t seem that way.  We have a strong and loving relationship and it’s part of my inner being, my core.  So now that I am in business in the virtual world you’d think maybe I’d have a slight jump on it.  But no, not really.  In business we are hampered by a whole other set of criteria that get in the way of our relationship-building.  Big things like making a living, and cyber communication; a culture of instant gratification being handled from cramped home offices with too many days of less than stellar self-confidence..plus the little things like deciding whether or not to use emoticons in your emails to people you don’t know yet 🙁 

These things are real and we don’t have control over much of that crap, but what we do control is ourselves.  So tune in to yourself, feel good about who you are and where you are.  And if you don’t like what you see, step outside and revisit that relationship you have with yourself.

It’s easier than you think.      

Chris Brogan is one of the top bloggers on social media (among other things) and I’m a big fan.

I’ve been trying to pin down what it is about Chris and his posts that I like so much (so that I can emulate naturally).  The content is great of course, but it’s more than that.  Anyway, happens he’s putting out a book soon called Trust Agents and I believe that’s it.  Trust.  I trust him.  Why?  Well, there’s a confidence projected in his writing – it tells me he’s completely comfortable in his arena which I feel organically means being knowledgeable in his arena.  Coupled with his tone, serious but generously balanced with levity, it all strikes the right chord for me.

He’s had some fun these last few days with a couple of spoof posts and I sense an element in the post-mortem that slightly perplexed him.  Cool.  It’s all good because it’s especially important to me that he’s human!

Hey Chris, you rock.

P.S.   And thank you to the visionary Stacy Brice for turning me on to him!